Sunday, February 27, 2005

I am not feeling good today.

I went to a friend’s place yesterday for party. He is a Mexican and can make the best salsas in the world. Last year I dared to say that the salsa wasn’t hot enough for my tastes. I sure regretted it yesterday. He produced a salsa, which tasted like liquid lava. I have never experienced anything like it. My tongue is still numb a day later.

I got to work early today (5am), and suddenly was hit by massive stomach cramps, and a strong urge to go to the toilet. I just made it.

Once again the liquid lava had its evil revenge upon my poor body. I have paint under my fingernails due to scratching both sides of the toilet walls in sheer agony, as the lava passed through me. Fortunately the office was empty or else everyone would have wondered what was happening in the toilets as I moaned in pain, terror and repentance from eating such folly.

I have had to endure this process twice so far, and as I sit here typing this, I fear another visit to the house of pain is nigh.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

A funny story I read the other day.........

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don’t take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON’T know!!!

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialled it, a man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I said, politely, "Could I please speak to Sally Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Sally’s correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Sally, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You’re a wanker !" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word ‘Wanker" and put it in the draw of my desk.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I’d call him up. He would answer and I would yell, "You’re a wanker". It would always cheer me up. Later in the year Telecom introduced caller ID.

This was a disappointment to me, probably I would have to stop calling the wanker. Then one day I had an idea. I dialled his number, then heard his voice. "Hello", he said. I made up a name and said, ‘Hi, this is the sales office of Telecom and I am calling to see if you are familiar with our caller ID programme." He said, "No" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That’s because you’re a wanker!" The reason why I have related this story is to show you that if there’s anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823 4863 and yell out, "Wanker". You’ll feel better.

But please keep reading because it gets better. Some time later I was trying to find a parking spot in Westfield and an old lady at the shopping centre was really taking her time in pulling out of the parking space. I didn’t think that she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to back out, very slowly. I backed up to give her more room. Great, I thought, she’s finally leaving. All of a sudden this black BMW came flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I called out, "You can’t do that. I was here first." The man climbed out of his BMW and raised one finger in my direction and walked towards the shopping centre as if he had never heard me. I thought to myself, this bloke’s a wanker, there certainly are a lot of wankers in Sydney. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the rear window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.

A couple of days later, I’m sitting at my desk. I had just got off the phone after calling 823 4863 and yelling, "Wanker." I noticed the phone number of the owner of the BMW lying on my desk and I thought I’d better call this bloke, too. After a couple of rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." and I said, "are you the owner of the black BMW for sale?’ "Yes, I am." came the reply. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 26 Meadow Road, Turramurra. It’s a white house and the car’s parked right in the drive." "What’s your name?" I asked. ‘‘My name is Don Hansen. "When is a good time to catch you, Don?" "I’m at home in the evenings." "Listen, Don. Can I tell you something?" "Yes." "Don, you’re a wanker"I said, and I slammed down the phone.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen’s number to my speed dialler. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two numbers to call. Just to be safe and to make sure that they were not able to trace me I mainly used the public phone just outside. But after a few weeks of calling the wankers it just wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave this problem some serious thought and came up with a new solution.

Firstly I called wanker number one and yelled, "Wanker," but didn’t Hang up. The wanker said, "Are you still there?" "Yes", I said. "Stop calling me," he said. I said, "No." "What’s your name?" "Don Hansen,?? I said "Where do you live?" "26, Meadow Rd. Turramurra. Its a white house and my BMW is in the drive."
"I’m coming right over now. You’d better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I’m really scared, wanker !" and I hung up.

Then I called wanker number two. "Hello," he answered I said "Hello wanker." He said, "If I ever find out who you are "You’ll what?" "I’ll punch your face in. "Well, here’s your chance, I’m coming right over now, wanker." And I hung up.

Then I picked up the phone and called the Hornsby Police. I told them I was at 26 Meadow Rd, Turramurra, and I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as I got home. Another quick call to Channel 9 about the gang war going on down Meadow Rd.. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to Meadow Road to watch the whole thing. Glorious! Watching two wankers beating the daylights out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter and all with full TV coverage was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

We dont smile enough !!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm including this liitle story to show you how important a smile can be.

"(Dr.) Motto had a patient who committed suicide from the Golden Gate in 1963, but the jump that affected him most occurred in the seventies. 'I went to this guy's apartment afterward with the assistant medical examiner,'he told me. 'This guy was in his thirties, lived alone, pretty bare apartment. He'd written a note and left it on his bureau. It said,'I'm going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump.'" --New Yorker Magazine article, "Jumpers," by Tad Friend

Now I will make you smile:

A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth." Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist." Man: "Yes, I know." Dentist: "So why did you come in here?" Man: "The light was on."

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Whats happened.......... Not a lot

I sudden thought that I have been neglecting my blog. Shame on me. I am back at work, after having 3 weeks holiday and 2 weeks on the King Kong filming.

I have been busy this year, mainly on the King Kong Film set. The hours are long, but its fun and the hours zoom by. Working through the night is the hardest, but I have my trusty Ipod with me which I take on to the film set with me. I have downloaded a Wilbur Smith Audio book, which keeps me awake.

Apart from that, nothing amazing has happened.

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